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From an article entitled, "Laws Concerning Food and Drink; Household Principles; Lamentations of the Father," published in the Atlantic.

On Screaming

Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.


Concerning Face and Hands

Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Read the rest here.  It's a hoot.


 
 
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In no particular order except that I think the top 5 are among the worst of the worst.  More could be added I'm sure, but these are some of the most hair-ripping, ear-bleedingly bad ones.  I focused on original compositions and particular incarnations of well known songs that have become ubiquitous or just really stood out for their unique awfulness.  So, for example, there are any number of bad versions of every Christmas hymn, but Twisted Sister made the cut with "Oh Come, All Ye Faithful" for sheer audacity.
  1. Last Christmas, Wham! (re-incarnated by Glee and Taylor Swift)
  2. Wonderful Christmas Time, Paul McCartney
  3. Santa Baby, Madonna (and many others of course)
  4. Christmas Shoes, Newsong
  5. Same Old Lang Syne, Dan Fogelberg
  6. All I Want for Christmas Is You, Mariah Carey
  7. Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town, as destroyed by The Boss (no disrespect Bruce)
  8. Christmas in America, Kenny Rogers
  9. Don’t Save it All for Christmas, Clay Aiken (Celine Dion's version was a close runner-up)
  10. Grown-Up Christmas List, Amy Grant
  11. Christmastime, The Smashing Pumpkins
  12. Dominick the Donkey, Lou Monte
  13. 8 Days of Christmas, Destiny’s Child
  14. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, *NSYNC
  15. Mistletoe, Justin Bieber
  16. Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Twisted Sister (in the style of We’re Not Going to Take It)
  17. Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk this Christmas), John Denver (sorry JD, but what were you thinking?)
  18. Santa Claus Lane, Hilary Duff
  19. This One’s for the Children, New Kids on the Block
  20. You Make It Feel Like Christmas, Neil Diamond

There were at least three that didn’t make the list because they were just so wrong I didn’t even want to spread awareness of them.